CONFESSIONS OF A TELLY ADDICT
OR "The eclectic stuff that made me write what I do."
Someone very recently said to me, some people try to be
screenwriters when they should actually be novelists. "You, Phil" they said "are a
screenwriter."
I assumed it was a compliment, I certainly took it as such. For
sure, growing up I wasn’t a big reader though apparently I threw tantrums
aged 2 at my frustration at not being able to learn to read fast enough.
No, it was the telly that fired my imagination, introduced me to new worlds, words, pictures, stories, people. I loved it, absorbed it. The TV was on all the time in my house and if I wasn’t sat in front of it I was certainly within earshot from the schools programs during the day, through Crown Court, the news, kids programs, soaps right through to the scary opening themes of The Sweeney or Armchair Thriller which inevitably meant bedtime.
In my early teens I may not have been able to recite Shakespeare or known The Lord Of The Rings but I could hum the theme to any TV series, recite whole Kenny Everett sketches and get almost 100% on Noel Edmund’s Telly Addicts (some of the nature programs left me cold).
There’s a bit of a meme going round at the moment for 10 films that had an effect on you. I thought I’d give it my spin and show you ten TV series that had an impact on me. It’s probably significant that most of them are from the 80s - not saying it was a golden age of telly, just a formative period of my life.
I assumed it was a compliment, I certainly took it as such. For
sure, growing up I wasn’t a big reader though apparently I threw tantrums
aged 2 at my frustration at not being able to learn to read fast enough.No, it was the telly that fired my imagination, introduced me to new worlds, words, pictures, stories, people. I loved it, absorbed it. The TV was on all the time in my house and if I wasn’t sat in front of it I was certainly within earshot from the schools programs during the day, through Crown Court, the news, kids programs, soaps right through to the scary opening themes of The Sweeney or Armchair Thriller which inevitably meant bedtime.
In my early teens I may not have been able to recite Shakespeare or known The Lord Of The Rings but I could hum the theme to any TV series, recite whole Kenny Everett sketches and get almost 100% on Noel Edmund’s Telly Addicts (some of the nature programs left me cold).
There’s a bit of a meme going round at the moment for 10 films that had an effect on you. I thought I’d give it my spin and show you ten TV series that had an impact on me. It’s probably significant that most of them are from the 80s - not saying it was a golden age of telly, just a formative period of my life.
DOCTOR WHO
This one is so important I don't even include it in the ten so let's get it out of the way now. Doctor Who
has been a constant presence in my life since I was a wee nipper but it was the
appearance of Louise Jameson’s ass-kicking Leela that kick-started my love
affair with the show. (Spoiler alert: strong females will be a constant theme)
I’d been aware of her predecessor Sarah Jane but Leela was the first companion
that I ‘met’ and my entry to the show.
Like many fans, I looked beyond the shortcomings of production, the wobbly walls, the shabby props, the shonky acting and was mesmerised by the possibilities, the sheer breadth of imagination of an alien roaming time and space with his best friend in a police box. Every episode seemed breath taking and would end on a tantalising cliffhanger. Then every Monday morning, this little one would go to school and write what he thought was going to happen next. Yep, Doctor Who was certainly the start of something big. Over time, this evolved into writing my own original adventures (I came up with a female Doctor back in 1986!) and ultimately led me to pen a few for Big Finish.
Like many fans, I looked beyond the shortcomings of production, the wobbly walls, the shabby props, the shonky acting and was mesmerised by the possibilities, the sheer breadth of imagination of an alien roaming time and space with his best friend in a police box. Every episode seemed breath taking and would end on a tantalising cliffhanger. Then every Monday morning, this little one would go to school and write what he thought was going to happen next. Yep, Doctor Who was certainly the start of something big. Over time, this evolved into writing my own original adventures (I came up with a female Doctor back in 1986!) and ultimately led me to pen a few for Big Finish.
INTO THE LABYRINTH
A kids adventure series, this one really fired my imagination. Three kids enter a mysterious labyrinth and are sent through time to retrieve the fragments of a magical device called the Nydus. Why? I can’t exactly remember…
Pamela Salem and Ron Moody are on fine form as villainess and mentor figure respectively. It’s a classic McGuffin set up with each episode sending our three young heroes into a different adventure in time where the Nydus is disguised as an everyday item but can be identified in its reflection. But the evil Belor is on the same quest and frequently bests them in suitably melodramatic way: "I deny you the Nydus!"
It was total fantasy, with magic and witchcraft. The sets are cheap, the same cave set redressed, lots of chromakey but again my imagination filled in the blanks.
BERGERAC
I was probably a bit too young for this but there was
something I found really charming about this Saturday night perennial cop show.
It was more than a crime drama. It had a wonderful and compelling cast of
characters – ever sexy John Nettles, his long suffering girlfriend (Louise
Jameson again), best mate cheeky Charlie Hungerford and the semi-recurring cat
burglar Philippa Vale (played by Liza Goddard). Admit it, you have the theme in your head now, right?
VICTORIA WOOD AS SEEN ON TV
I don’t know what it was about Victoria Wood. Maybe it was
because ‘Northern’ was so unusual on the telly at the time. Maybe it was the
strange turns of phrase – who knew custard creams could be so funny? But whatever
it was Victoria Wood burst onto my screen and stuck. I mean REALLY stuck. There
is literally not a day goes by that I don’t find myself quoting some sketch of
hers.
She taught me to relish and hone every word. Why say biscuit when gipsy cream will add a layer of humour to what may be a humdrum sentence?
But while the sketches like the shoe shop or the Turkish baths will still raise a titter with me, it’s the more poignant scenes like her tragicomic documentaries that have stuck with me and inspired some of my best work. Comedy and drama are both great but when they combine, magic really happens.
She taught me to relish and hone every word. Why say biscuit when gipsy cream will add a layer of humour to what may be a humdrum sentence?
But while the sketches like the shoe shop or the Turkish baths will still raise a titter with me, it’s the more poignant scenes like her tragicomic documentaries that have stuck with me and inspired some of my best work. Comedy and drama are both great but when they combine, magic really happens.
HAPPY FAMILIES
“All I want to know is what happened to my family, why my
sisters all left home and why you hate me so much.”
“Well… I’m not gonna tell you so sod off.”
As I was discovering what made me laugh beyond the old
fashioned sitcoms of the 70s, along came Happy Families. Jennifer Saunders
delivers a tour-de-force as five members of the Fuddle family in a comic romp
from Ben Elton. Not a sketch comedy, this was almost a drama featuring rising
stars on the ‘alternative’ comic scene, the new faces for my generation. Happy Families taught me about structure. A story-of-the-week format concentrating on a different Fuddle character bookended with episodes featuring the entire family.
And while being bloody funny, it was a great story too.
Dying old Mrs Fuddle sends her grandson (Adrian Edmonson) to find and bring back the four siblings she jealously sent away as children. Has her cruel heart finally melted?
No, it hasn’t.
THE COMIC STRIP PRESENTS: CONSEULA
French and Saunders really were at the top of their game in
the mid 80s. While I loved their true comedy shows (Girls On Top almost made
this list) their work on The Comic Strip Presents was something else and
Consuela (written by the duo) was the best of the lot.
Newly married Jessica is delighted to be going to her new husband’s country estate. But she soon discovers the place is run by the devilish Spanish maid.
This was a brooding story, littered with delicious dark comedy and genuine laughs but ultimately was more scary and creepy.
Newly married Jessica is delighted to be going to her new husband’s country estate. But she soon discovers the place is run by the devilish Spanish maid.
This was a brooding story, littered with delicious dark comedy and genuine laughs but ultimately was more scary and creepy.
HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR
I did love to be scared as a kid and Hammer’s House Of
Horror anthology series managed that right from the doomy theme and the haunted
house opening credits.
Each episode presented a new macabre morality tale, deliciously camp (Diana Dors as the mother of werewolf children or Patricia Quinn as a witch out of time “I be Lucinda Jessup”), probably overtly sexual (that went over my young head!) and normally with a moral twist, they managed to combine the genuinely creepy, scary, sometimes gory but always clever and memorable.
Each episode presented a new macabre morality tale, deliciously camp (Diana Dors as the mother of werewolf children or Patricia Quinn as a witch out of time “I be Lucinda Jessup”), probably overtly sexual (that went over my young head!) and normally with a moral twist, they managed to combine the genuinely creepy, scary, sometimes gory but always clever and memorable.
SAPPHIRE & STEEL
I admit, on first viewing as a ten year old, I didn’t really
understand what was going on. You didn’t really need to understand it to enjoy
the creepy atmosphere, the charisma of David McCallum and Joanna Lumley, the
chills of the various oblique menaces they faced.
As a grown up watching it again, it still takes some thinking about to understand but that’s one of the glories of Sapphire & Steel. It knows what it is and doesn’t care if you don’t. It gives you a vague impression of what Sapphire and Steel are but doesn’t go into specifics. You are allowed to know only what you need. I love the boldness of that, a kind of ambiguity that keeps you pondering long after the credits have rolled.
But it served up images that stayed in the mind. The man without
a face, the roundheads marching down the stairs, the soldier in the misty
railway station.
It made a virtue of its small budget. Minimal characters, a single setting. It’s a master class in working within limitations still delivering diverse scenarios, daring to be different, oozing with imagination. And with two lead characters that are sometimes sympathetic and caring, at other times ruthless in the execution of their duties.
And like Doctor Who there were cliffhangers. In this era of binge watching and instant gratification, we’re missing the art of a really good cliff.
As a grown up watching it again, it still takes some thinking about to understand but that’s one of the glories of Sapphire & Steel. It knows what it is and doesn’t care if you don’t. It gives you a vague impression of what Sapphire and Steel are but doesn’t go into specifics. You are allowed to know only what you need. I love the boldness of that, a kind of ambiguity that keeps you pondering long after the credits have rolled.
But it served up images that stayed in the mind. The man without
a face, the roundheads marching down the stairs, the soldier in the misty
railway station.It made a virtue of its small budget. Minimal characters, a single setting. It’s a master class in working within limitations still delivering diverse scenarios, daring to be different, oozing with imagination. And with two lead characters that are sometimes sympathetic and caring, at other times ruthless in the execution of their duties.
And like Doctor Who there were cliffhangers. In this era of binge watching and instant gratification, we’re missing the art of a really good cliff.
And yet there's always:
EASTENDERS
Soaps had long been a staple of the schedules, especially in
our house so the arrival of a new one (especially with all the hype around it)
was an exciting event. Unlike Corrie or Crossroads which had just always existed
as far as I knew, here was a new one and I was here right at the start and unlike
the others, it was set on my doorstep, with places, people and accents that
were very familiar.
When it started it was gritty, urban, discussed very current topics and felt incredibly bold with its storylines so early on – Michelle’s teen pregnancy, Den’s affair, Angie claiming that she’s dying, Kathy’s rape. Not to mention the first proper gay characters on telly. Colin and Barry were so normal.
The show has changed over the years but still manages to pull off some great stories (the ‘who killed Lucy’ plot was brilliant) and continues to have iconic characters like Shirley Carter, Kat Slater and even recent nutjob Stuart Highway.
When it really works, EE is a wring out for the emotions. It makes you care, makes you cry, gasp and laugh all in 30 minutes.
When it started it was gritty, urban, discussed very current topics and felt incredibly bold with its storylines so early on – Michelle’s teen pregnancy, Den’s affair, Angie claiming that she’s dying, Kathy’s rape. Not to mention the first proper gay characters on telly. Colin and Barry were so normal.
The show has changed over the years but still manages to pull off some great stories (the ‘who killed Lucy’ plot was brilliant) and continues to have iconic characters like Shirley Carter, Kat Slater and even recent nutjob Stuart Highway.
When it really works, EE is a wring out for the emotions. It makes you care, makes you cry, gasp and laugh all in 30 minutes.
STICKY MOMENTS WITH JULIAN CLAREY
There was something really radical and dangerous about Channel 4 when it first started. It really did open up worlds young teen me had never seen before. Furtive, underground places that were exciting and scary at the same time.
Sticky Moments was ostensibly a game show but with Julian Clary in make-up, often in some PVC bondage outfit and clutching Fanny the wonderdog, it screamed Soho and the gay scene, a world far removed from my suburban upbringing but a world which beckoned this burgeoning queer kid.
Utterly camp, silly, naughty, filled with innuendo it’d probably be quite tame now but it did me no end of good to see real gay people on telly and I don’t think we’ve had that kind of representation ever since – not even in ‘dedicated’ LGBT shows like Queer As Folk or Cucumber.
Sticky Moments was ostensibly a game show but with Julian Clary in make-up, often in some PVC bondage outfit and clutching Fanny the wonderdog, it screamed Soho and the gay scene, a world far removed from my suburban upbringing but a world which beckoned this burgeoning queer kid.
Utterly camp, silly, naughty, filled with innuendo it’d probably be quite tame now but it did me no end of good to see real gay people on telly and I don’t think we’ve had that kind of representation ever since – not even in ‘dedicated’ LGBT shows like Queer As Folk or Cucumber.
THE LIFE AND LOVES OF A SHE-DEVIL
I do love a revenge story. She-Devil was so flipping bold. Big sweeping emotions, strong, clear characters and a vast plan for revenge from a spurned wife who not only systematically destroys her ex-husband, breaks his mistress and ultimately takes her place but also seeks to destroy the patriarchy and free women from their domestic slavery. With a bit of supernatural thrown in.Julie T Wallace is an utter rockstar in this as her character Ruth plays various different guises in her long and convoluted plan, beguiling everyone she meets to get her own way.
It’s a powerful, epic story of self-empowerment told with both heart and balls.
I’ve concentrated on the TV shows that have affected me most deeply during my most formative years. There are of course many shows that have inspired, educated and utterly blown me away since. More recently I’ve loved Doctor Foster, The Replacement, Born To Kill. Right now I’m really looking forward to Butterfly and Killing Eve. And that’s just British shows.
So what have I picked up from my totally misspent youth? A love of character, story, bold and big actions, comically poignant tales. Does any of this translate into my work? Yes. I think it does. But it’s always good to remind ourselves why we’re doing this and keep hold of the things that inspire us.
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